Be Careful What You Wish For
by greenstuff2
Summary: Those first few days from Molly's point of view
1. Chapter 1

Be careful what you wish for is one of Nan's favourite little sayings. I've never really understood it before but now I do! I was really looking forward to getting stuck in – wanted nothing more than to be deployed and to be doing all the stuff we had been doing in training for real – until I got on the tarmac at Brize and reality struck. The CO is a really tasty looking bloke called Captain James who took one look at me and decided I was a waste of space. Didn't even bother to speak to me! Okay so I laughed a bit when he called the lads "cockwombles" but I really thought he was having a laugh and anyway I sometimes giggle a bit when I'm nervous, but he made a great big deal out of it. Even if he's got no sense of humour and is a complete Rupert, there was still no need for him to threaten to lob me out of the plane for chrissakes. What a pig!

Things got even worse when we were hanging about waiting to get on the bloody plane. Who should crawl out of the woodwork but that Welsh tosser Smurf. He was the cocky little git I met in Guildford, the one I haven't seen or heard from since our one night stand (not that I can remember much about that cos I was completely trolllied at the time) but I do know he didn't bother to text me back so I ain't exactly thrilled to see him. He thinks he's God's gift but I hope he's not holding his breath waiting for a repeat cos if he is he's going to die from lack of oxygen.

Bastion was a bit of a shock. It's so bloody hot and sort of crowded and built up with portacabins and things. Much bigger than I expected. Not sure what I expected actually just not this. Apparently we are not staying here but are going to a FOB on a mission. Not sure I want to go now. Captain James the Rupert carried on where he left off at Brize. Took the piss out of me because I don't read bleeding minds for a hobby. How was I supposed to know that I should be in the female only quarters If no-one told me? And then he called me a Doris. I wonder if it's just me he has a problem with or is it all women? It's a bit of a waste of a fit looking bloke if he doesn't like women - posh twat.

Did I really think things couldn't get any worse? Had to help with an emergency last night and it was a total bleeding nightmare. I just froze. Hadn't a scooby as to what I was supposed to be doing – this was nothing like the drills we did in training. The state of the poor sod! I just stood there getting in the way while everyone else charged about doing their thing. Jackie, one of the other medics, was kind to me. She sort of understood how I felt and did her best to comfort me. Said that my training will kick in but I'm not so sure. I'm really worried that I can't hack this. I probably should have stuck with the shitty little life I had. At least I knew what I was supposed to be doing.

Jackie told me about Smurf's twin brother getting killed out here. Apparentl y Captain James crawled 200 yards on his belly to retrieve Geraint's body to stop the Taliban having a trophy. Bully for him but it doesn't stop him being an arsehole.

Oh just perfect. I was late for his lordship's training run this morning and as no-one had bothered to tell me any different (mind reading again) I was wearing the wrong kit - should have been wearing full kit not PE. Felt like shouting "thanks a bunch guys" but I was actually scared I might cry. He just stood there and looked me up and down with a smirk on his face like I was something he'd scraped off his shoe and then made some crack about me wearing my stilettos and pulled a face so the rest of them would laugh at me. What a PIG! The run itself was a fucking nightmare. I've never run 5k in full kit in my life let alone in the heat so I couldn't keep up with the blokes who have been training for this for months. I was so puffed out I couldn't speak and anyway didn't dare open me gob in case I puked. At the end of the run he staged this drill and kept yelling at me to do something to save Smurf who had "had his legs blown off" and was I going to let him "bleed out"? I felt like shouting back that I didn't give a monkeys what he's had blown off , the more the better as far as I'm concerned but I decided it might be better not to and anyway I didn't want to puke on his feet although it would have served him right! He then shared the information with the lads that I am "the only medic who is scared of the sight of blood" which had something to do with last night I presume. Nice of him I thought! And last night had nothing to do with me being scared of the sight of blood!

We are off to the FOB tomorrow so have a briefing to go to shortly. Wonder what the reaction would be if I asked his Lordship where the nearest tube station is or if someone could call me a cab so that I can get off home now. It might be worth it to see the look on his face but on second thoughts I'd better not cos he might bung me on the first plane out of here and I WILL NOT give him the satisfaction of making me cry.

This day just gets better and better. I cracked a joke during the briefing, yeah that's me Molly Dawes back to being the class clown, and needless to say my biggest fan wiped the floor with me and then made some crack about the medical checks I have to carry out. Said I should think of it as "speed dating". Told me to give them 60 secs each and then "sod them off out of it" Sexist as well as everything else (he wouldn't have said that to a male medic). Needless to say the lads gave me a really hard time at the medicals. Of course they did, Captain posh despises me and doesn't bother to hide it and I am apparently "afraid of the sight of blood" which is just what you need in a medic. I am a bit bothered about Smurf. He talked about his twin brother Geraint's death and how the Afghans are going to pay for it. Seemed a bit unbalanced to me, but hell what do I know and who the hell would listen to me anyway?

I have decided to do the "Yes Sir, no Sir, three fucking bags full Sir" routine with the Captain from now on. No jokes, no chat, nothing. Try and make him like me. Most blokes do when they get to know me and hopefully it'll stop giving him excuses to pick on me. I am still determined he will NOT make me cry.

Arrived at the FOB this morning. Walking to the compound from the helicopter this sweet looking little kid came up and said hello to me. She reminded me of Bella which was nice. Captain posh gave her a biro and she looked really pleased.

We were having some water when Smurf started acting up with an ANA bloke. He was goading this bloke trying to make him react. God knows why but then I saw the bloke grab his rifle so I pulled Smurf away. Don't want him to get shot on the first day but he really was being a bit of a dick. Went out on patrol, not sure what to make of it, but saw the pen kid again so gave her a biro I had bought out specially. She looked really happy and asked me if I was going to stay. Seemed pleased when I said yes, glad someone likes me! When we got back the Captain asked us what we thought. I kept me gob shut but he then asked me why the insurgents would be watching us. Enjoyed giving him a sensible answer that wiped the smirk off his face. Still worried about Smurf so decided to tell Captain posh my concerns. Really shouldn't have bothered! He stood there looking down his nose at me, and he's much taller than I am so he had a long way to look, and basically told me that Smurf is a good soldier and I really shouldn't worry my pretty little head about things I don't understand. Those weren't his exact words but that is what he meant alright. Okay I give up.

Second patrol and Smurf was still being a dick saying that you can't trust any of them Afghans not even the kids, when the shit hit the fan big time.

We had only just left the compound and was making our way along this ditch when some bugger opened fire on us. We all ducked down in the ditch and the Corporal was on the radio saying that they were targeting me ! Bleeding terrific. We was told to leg it back into the FOB but I couldn't cos me legs were shaking too much to move. Smurf proved to be a real mate and opened fire onto this little building where he thought the sniper was hidden and just kept on firing like a lunatic to cover me as I ran back to the FOB. The lads were a bit hyped up after but I wasn't - I was still too busy shaking! The Captain came out and yelled a bit about staying alert on patrol although I can't see what difference that would have made to them wanting to shoot me. He then sort of shouted Medic, don't know why cos I have got a name and then sort of jerked his head to tell me to follow him. We went to the med tent and I thought I was in for another bollocking for freezing in the ditch but he was actually quite nice to me. Said he wanted his blisters treated but what he really wanted was to ask about Smurf. I refused to drop Smurf in it cos I reckon I owe him one but I did risk teasing Captain James a bit about his smelly feet and his training runs. He actually smiled at me. Bloody hell RESULT ! And he's got a nice smile, nice white teeth.

Did I say something nice about Captain James? I take it all back! He's a PIG. He's only gone and said something to Smurf about what I said this morning and Smurf is now calling me a slag and a grass and has obviously told all the lads about Guildford with added extras probably so now no-one will even look at me let alone speak to me. Letter from Mum today and today I cried!

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	2. Chapter 2

Yesterday was shit! Mum said she missed me in her letter and I so needed a hug that I began to bawl. I couldn't help it and once I started to bawl I had a hard job stopping. Jesus, what happened to all the excitement I felt when I was told I was on my way to Afghan? Useless showers, stinky bogs, no-one speaking to me, The boss hates me. Bloody right Nan, be careful what you wish for!

I can sorta get where Smurf is coming from actually. He hero worships the Captain big time, something to do with Geraint. Don't get it myself cos it wasn't as though the Captain saved Geraint's life or anything, I mean Geraint is still dead, but Smurf worships him. On top of that he's used to being the dog's bollocks, the "lead man", the "best recruit at Catterick" and he's such a cocky little sod it must have been really tough being bollocked by his hero. Apparently, according to Smurf, I told the Captain that Smurf was "mad, out of control, and a liability" The problem with all that is that I never said anything like that. I did try and put Smurf right but he wouldn't listen. It must be even harder for him seeing as how he had just saved my arse in that ditch. God he must think I'm bleeding ungrateful. Captain James might have a plum in his gob but he's total crap at talking to people .

What I don't get is the way the other lads are acting. I mean I don't really know them and they bleeding don't know me, so why have they gone all moral? Okay so I had a bit of thing with Smurf when I was off my face but that doesn't mean I'm a slag or a bad person or anything. Bet you anything you like that there isn't one of them lads that hasn't had a one night stand with some girl who was a bit pissed. Actually the state of most of them you'd have to be pissed to go there! So where do they get off judging me? And what happened to the "don't just look after number one, look after your whole section" bollocks the Captain was spouting at Bastion? I'm part of this section too and no-one gives a toss about me.

Because I'm the only girl here there isn't even anyone to have a moan with and it's not like I can call a mate and go to the pub so I felt sorry for myself and bawled until I ended up with a headache and swollen eyes. I looked like shit. I skipped dinner cos I wasn't gonna give them another opportunity to blank me.

There was a briefing in the evening in the ops tent about a patrol to the mountain CP. Needless to say none of the little shits told me. I only knew cos I saw them all headed in there and when I went in they all moved away and turned their backs. Bloody hell, how long are they gonna keep this up? I am sure that the Captain noticed something was wrong. I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye and then look at the lads. He would have been able to see that I looked like shit from crying and an top of that it was so quiet in there you could have heard a pin drop. There was a really shitty atmosphere. No-one was looking at anyone else. Hope he did notice cos it's his bleeding fault.

Patrol to the mountain CP this morning. Walking along in my own little world – didn't have much of a choice really cos no bugger seemed up for a bit of a chat, when along comes his Lordship "Everything alright Dawes?" he asks. I remembered Geddings' "Yes Sir, No Sir, whatever you say Sir" and resisted the urge to say "Just peachy thanks for asking, Sir, but I could do with a vodka and coke if you're offering" cos we obviously don't share the same sense of humour in that I've got one, and he hasn't! So I told him that they'd sent me to Coventry. He asked me why they'd done that. Why? WHY? Oh I don't know, Sir, let me think about this, Oh yeah I remember, "Cos of what I said to you about Smurf, Sir" you dick. (Obviously I didn't say the last bit, even I'm not that dumb). Stupidly I sort of expected a 'sorry' from him for dropping me in it. What am I like? Big important Captains don't apologise to little squaddies! So what I got was a sort of lecture on the importance of his role on this tour. Thanks for that Sir, it makes me feel a whole lot better! But he did say he was grateful to me for filling him in about Smurf and he thought I was right as it happens which was something I suppose.

I asked him what he thought will happen when we withdraw from Afghan. He really shocked me when he said he doesn't think about these things, just follows orders and trusts that the higher ups know what they're doing. He said that I should do the same. Really? What? Stop thinking for myself? I don't think so.

When we got to the CP my little mate the pen girl was there. We had a little bit of a three way chat (Quaseem the interpreter was helping). Her name's Bashira and she's eleven, so a bit younger than Bella. She's a sweet kid and is going to be my little sister while I'm here. It was so lovely to have a chat with someone who seems to like me even if she is just a little kid who hardly speaks any English. Of course Smurf had to be a dick about me talking to an Afghan because, apparently, even a little girl is probably spotting for the Taliban. He forgot he wasn't supposed to be talking to me for a minute and then remembered after he'd come out with this load of cobblers. Honestly what is he like?

Was having a cosy chat about school (or lack of it in my case) with my new best mate, who probably feels bad cos it's his fault no-one else will talk to me, when it all went to shit.

Suddenly there was a gunshot and everyone started yelling and running about and shouting "Man Down". Wasn't a bit like the drills we practised in training where everything was nicely controlled and calm. This was bleeding mayhem! And guess who'd got himself shot? Our very own Afghan loving dickhead! And he was wandering in a minefield at the time, probably looking for an Afghan to shoot, and he'd taken the Vallon mine detecting thingy with him, just to make life a bit easier for the rescue squad which is er..me.. to get to him. Captain James was yelling at him trying to find out what direction the sniper had shot from but all Smurf cared about was that he was bleeding! Don't blame him actually.

I got ready to go and sort him out but the Captain wouldn't let me. This is getting beyond a joke now. He really doesn't think I can do this. I got a bit arsey with him and told him to stop treating me differently cos I'm a girl. He looked at me and I could see that that is exactly what his problem is. He's really has got me marked down as some incompetent little girl, an airhead. Not as a soldier and not as a trained medic. Explains a lot really. I stood my ground and waited for him to back down which he did finally.

Had to crawl across the bleeding minefield using the old knife sticking in routine to make sure the way was clear. Bloody Captain James kept asking if I was okay. Wonder what he'd have done if I'd said something like "Sweet of you to ask but I think I'd like to go home now if that's okay?" At one point he said "Speak to me Dawes" I mean what the fuck did he want me to say? Got halfway across then accidentally kicked one of the mines at the side. Just as well they're little ones. I kinda knew I'd done it but I wasn't ready for the explosion or the trip through the air. Was out of it for a bit. My ears were ringing from the noise and my whole face was covered in a thick layer of sand and shit. It was in me mouth and me eyes and everywhere. When me hearing came back and I could move I sat up cos I could hear them all shouting at me . As soon as I could speak I got on the radio and told him that I was okay and as a bonus I still had me legs. He sounded relieved, although not as much as I was obviously!

Smurf had gone all quiet which is usually a bit of a bonus but not today. I got everyone to shout at him to try and keep him awake but I had a bit of a struggle to keep him talking to me and to stop the bleeding from his groin. In the end I had to clamp his artery with me hand which is sodding difficult to do as its slippery and your hand gets really tired and you get sort of cramp. The Captain had called for a helicopter but there was nowhere for it to land cos of the mines so we would have to be winched up. Told his Lordship that I would have to go up with Smurf otherwise he was going to bleed to death. He went ballistic. Started screaming and yelling at me (he should watch it he's gonna have high blood pressure) that there was no way I was to up on the winch and he was ordering me not to cos if I did I was going to get pinged by the sniper that shot Smurf and on and on and on. I decided to be deaf and ignored him. There was no way I was letting Smurf bleed to death cos even if he is a total dickhead he doesn't deserve that and apart from anything else, everyone would blame me. So we went up on the winch with me hand still in his groin while I prayed that the sniper had fucked off out of it or that he was a shit hot, We made it on board in one piece, well I was, but Smurf wasn't, obviously! I could hear the lads all whooping and shouting me name so they've forgiven me by the sound of it, but I didn't care about them at that moment, I was just really on a high cos I DONE IT! I bleeding well gone and DONE IT!

I'm really knackered now that it's all over and I'm on my way back to the FOB. Smurf is gonna be fine but me face is covered with cuts and I've got bruises everywhere, and I'm so tired I can hardly put one foot in front of the other. I am practising me "Yes Sir, sorry Sir, whatever you say Sir" gob cos I'm getting ready for the bollocking, when what I really want to do is run across the compound yelling "YEAH" and high fiving everyone in sight.

Oh what joy, his Lordship is standing in front of the mess tent waiting to bawl me out. Arms crossed, legs wide apart, miserable bleeding expression on his face he looks just like Rambo. Must not giggle…. He started by telling me not to expect any plaudits, but as I am not sure what they are I think I can live without them, then he went on about ridiculous and foolhardy acts or something like that, so tried to look and sound suitably sorry. He surprised me by saying that that was what he was told when he got Geraint's body, Oh God please don't tell me he's human after all, I like hating him! Then he gobsmacked me. He asked if I had heard him ordering me not to get on that winch and he said it in a way that was inviting me to lie. Of course I heard him, I'm not bleeding deaf, and I'm a shit liar (even the little bleeders at home know when I'm telling one) but I thought I would give it a go cos I've got nothing to lose, so I said "No Sir" and I pretended I was telling the truth and he pretended to believe me and then he started saying things like "Well done" and "You're an excellent medic". I was desperate to smile and say "thanks" so I risked it and smiled at him and he smiled back. God not only human but good looking with it!

The lads gave me a noisy welcome so I've gone from zero to hero. It was simple really. All I had to do was crawl across a bleeding minefield, get blown up, save someone's life by stopping them bleeding to death, ignore orders, get hoisted up on a winch with me fist rammed in someone's groin while all the time hoping that the sniper had done one … and all this before tea!

OG ..OG..OG..OG..OG

Authors notes - thanks for all the lovely comments. This is my first go and I wasn't sure if I could do it. My husband keeps telling me I'm bonkers but that might be because he was fed up with getting his own tea! Please review and let me know if I should carry on.

o


	3. Chapter 3

His leg ached a bit and he had the odd twinge in his belly but that wasn't what was stopping him dropping off to sleep. It was because he was propped up on one elbow watching her sleep. Her long silky brown hair was spread all over the pillow with some of the strands falling over her face. He saw her try and blow them away as though they were tickling her so he very gently and carefully smoothed her hair off her face trying not to wake her. She sighed and muttered somewhere in her dream so he gently wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close to him without waking her and felt the same wave of joy that had swept over him when she had walked into the restaurant.

Just over seven months he had known her which sometimes felt like a lifetime and sometimes just a heartbeat. The tarmac at Brize Norton on a cold, wet and miserable October morning. He had been thoroughly bloody pissed off that they had decided to redeploy the medic that had been training with the Under Five's for six months and substitute some green newbie straight out of training. He was even more pissed off when he found out it was a woman. One woman on a Forward Operating Base filled to the rafters with young male squaddies, not to mention the ANA , was a recipe for total disaster in his opinion. The one hope he clung to was that she was an old boot who passed the basic hideousness test.

As he called them to attention his eyes scanned the group and caught sight of her at the end of the second row. Oh fuck! No, no, no, no way! not only did she look like a little doll dressed up as action man but she was very, very pretty! And she was giggling! Oh fuck, trouble with a capital 'T'. His first instinct was to wipe the smirk off her face and then to try and think of a way of getting rid. No, no, no. Every nerve In his body was screaming that this couldn't be allowed to happen because the lives of his men were too important to be entrusted to some pretty little airhead. This was his fourth tour and he knew exactly what was needed and this was definitely not it. He managed the first bit, wiped the smile off her face quite easily, but he was left with a horrible feeling that she was laughing at him inside and he really could not remember the last time a woman had made him feel so twitchy. He really, really needed her gone! He just didn't know how he was going to make it happen. The flight to Afghan was as long and tedious as ever but it gave him the opportunity to read her personal file looking for some ammunition. She hadn't exactly covered herself in glory during basic, but then most people don't, but had received glowing reports from her medic and mission specific training courses. He wasn't convinced. The most common word was 'potential.' Yes he was bloody sure she had potential, the trouble was he was equally sure it was the potential to create mayhem.

During their first few days at Bastion he saw and heard nothing to change his mind. She screwed up during a hospital emergency, turned up late for a training run incorrectly dressed and couldn't keep up or carry out the drill he had staged, and her behaviour at the mission briefing did nothing to change his mind either. Outwardly she said all the right things otherwise he could accuse her of dumb insolence but he was sure that inside she was judging him and on top of that she was pissing herself laughing. He hated it but he still hadn't come up with a plan to get rid of her.

The first patrol at the FOB went without incident although she tried to tell him afterwards that she was worried about Smurf's attitude towards the Afghans. He all but patted her on the head and told her to stop worrying about Smurf, he was an excellent soldier which was not only deeply patronising considering she was the medic, but it also turned out to be completely wrong. The second patrol went haywire. Snipers opened fire on the patrol who had to run back into the compound and Smurf behaved like a lunatic, blanketing the area with a hail of bullets without identifying any specific target.

What he'd done next was unforgiveable! He'd taken Smurf to task for his behaviour and told him that the medic had concerns about his "state of mind" and that Smurf had to shape up and stop letting him down.

The minute he walked into the ops tent for the evening briefing he knew there was something badly wrong. The atmosphere was toxic and no-one was looking at anyone else or smiling or asking questions. She was standing on her own away from the others and when he looked at her he realised that she had been crying. All the lads were avoiding eye contact, all that is except Smurf who had a smug smirk on his face. He knew instantly what had happened and exactly who was responsible. Jesus, she wasn't even 20 yet, still a kid on her first tour with a bunch of strangers and he had bullied her, humiliated her, patronised her, made her cry and isolated her from her colleagues so that she had to be incredibly lonely and all because he committed the ultimate crime of judging by appearances. He was deeply ashamed of himself but he didn't have a clue how to fix it. He really wanted to apologise to her but captains don't say sorry to privates and anyway what could he say? "Sorry Dawes , but you are far too pretty and you disturbed my peace of mind and and oh yeah, I think you might be laughing at me" Yes, right!.

In the end he didn't have to fix it, she fixed it herself with one gutsy and fucking awesome action.. Smurf got himself shot in a bloody minefield, God knows what he was doing there they'd all been told not to, so she did this one girl rescue mission, getting herself blown up half way across the minefield and scaring the shit out of him. The relief he felt when she finally answered his increasingly frantic calls was overwhelming. She sorted Smurf out and then calmly announced she was going up with him on the winch to the helicopter otherwise he was "gonna bleed out" It didn't seem to matter how much he screamed and shouted and ordered her not to she took no notice even when he made it a direct order. So for the second time in a few minutes she scared the shit out of him as he waited for the sniper's bullet to find its target and for the second time in a few minutes he felt the overwhelming relief when she was safe.

When she got back to the FOB from Bastion she looked shattered and her face was all battered and bruised, covered in cuts, but there was no way she could hide the blaze of triumph in her eyes. She was biting her bottom lip as she gazed at him. . It might have been because she was deeply apprehensive or, and he suspected that this was the case, she was once again desperately trying not to laugh. He wanted to say "What the fuck is so funny?" but knew she would only say "Nothing Sir, sorry Sir" so he gave her the plaudits speech that he had been given and then invited her to lie about hearing him give a direct order. Luckily she caught on immediately so he could do what he wanted to do and start to praise her. Praise that was totally sincere and genuine and she said "Thank you Sir" and smiled at him. In that moment the sun came out.

That day she took over a bit of space in his heart and she carried on taking up more and more space until he realised that she was all that mattered to him. When he first saw her he was convinced that she was trouble and she was going to create mayhem and she did. The only thing he didn't know at the time was that the mayhem was going to be in his heart and that he was the one who was going to be in trouble. Who says you have to be careful what you wish for. Today he had got everything he had wished for. He had wished that he could not only hold her in his heart but also in his arms and in his bed and he had and he couldn't be happier.

OG...OG…OG…OG…OG.

Authors notes: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the lovely comments and thanks to all of you that sent me mail about the wrong chapter being uploaded. Unfortunately I am I.T. challenged (or thick as my kids call it) and I was following instructions (which might as well have been written in advanced Cantonese for all the sense they made to me) trying to upload Chap.2 when my very own cockwomble came over all macho and said he would do it for me. Unfortunately he screwed up….. which is seen as a bit of a result in this house! How clever am I managing to delete it?

I wasn't going to do a Chap 3 because there was a natural break for Molly at the end of the episode but I decided to give our Charles the 'right to reply'. Hope you enjoy. Let me know because it is a lot harder for a sane woman like me (I am, how dare you?) to understand how a gorgeous bloke like him can behave like such a tit..

Have made a start on Molly's thoughts in episode 2, am playing around with the Dear Diary format that some of you suggested. Hope it won't take too long. Bonus is that 'him indoors' had threatened to leave home if I played the DVD one more time, so now I tell him it is essential research!


	4. Chapter 4

He must have dozed off at some point because he woke with a bit of a start, thinking he had been dreaming then felt the flood of relief that it was real and she was still there! God, she is even more beautiful than I remembered was his first reaction as a series of pictures crossed his mind. Wearing a tinsel crown and ordering a vodka and coke when he was being a waiter on Christmas Day at the FOB and giggling when he said "Trust You, Dawes" in a mock stern voice, grinning at him when he had called her Dawsey, washing muck out of his eye and standing far too close for his peace of mind while she did it, gazing at him when he held her hand in the med tent and looking distraught when he said she had to go on R&R…

"Oi, where've you been?" she made him jump as she spoke across his daydream, her amazing eyes staring into his from about a foot away on the pillow. "On a FOB in Afghan somewhere lusting after a gorgeous little squaddie " he smirked. "Well it bloody better 've been me" she punched him lightly on his arm. "Of course it was you, I love you Molly and I have done ever since I first met you, so why would I want anyone else and anyway you're here and she's not". he joked. She ignored the joke and looked at him with an incredulous grin on her face. "Charles James now I know you are a bleeding liar , you hated me back then, you thought I was a waste of space"…adding ,,",Sir" as a sarcastic afterthought "and you've never even said sorry" she added.

"I'm sure I said sorry" he lied " And of course I loved you, I just didn't know I did" , he went on as he pulled his 'please don't be mad at me' face "And stop calling me Sir" he added knowing full well that he hadn't apologised "And anyway" he added " I kept trying to show you how sorry I was."

"Bloody funny way you had of showing it then" she tossed her head on the pillow and pretended to be angry "Anyway we was equal cos I bleeding hated you. I had loads of nicknames for you, and no, don't ask, I ain't telling, you really wouldn't like them and I used to have little chats with you in me head to make me laugh inside"

"I knew it, I fucking knew you were laughing at me"

"Course I was, you numptie, did you want me to cry?" He didn't answer, just pulled her tight in a hug. "You did get your own back a bit though didn't you? She looked up at him, puzzled "By scaring me shitless over and over again, the minefield, the bloody helicopter, wandering off on your own, the bomb on Bashira, why the fuck couldn't you follow orders, Molly?". "I thought you was wrong" she shrugged. "Well there's not much I can say to that is there?" he said as she smirked up at him. "I did tell one lie last night" he murmured to the top of her head and felt the slight tensing of her muscles as she immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion, "Not that" he reassured her, "I lied when I said I didn't want you to stay with me. Of course I want you to stay with me, even more now" he laughed softly , " I love you but I know you have to finish what you started or there will always be an 'if only' or a 'maybe' in your head. And before you start with the 'but you don't know ' again' I spent almost six months with you all day every day. I practically know you better than I know myself. I saw you happy and sad, bored and upset, tired and buzzing, all soft and gentle, which I used to kid myself was for me", "It was" Molly protested. "And angry, and God you're scary when you're angry, Molly" he chuckled softly.

" So the big tough Captain is scared of a little squaddie is he? I wish I'd known that in Afghan, it would have come in really handy, but you are right I do have to go home today. For a start I ain't got any clothes here with me and me Mum will worry if I just piss off out of it.

"Okay but make sure you come back to me Molly" he wrapped his hand round hers "Course I will, don't worry" she replied with an echo of a previous conversation, then added the bit that was missing in Afghan and that he had been longing to hear ever since that day "I love you".

Og…..og…..og…..og

Authors Notes: Okay I know its an addiction, every time I say "finished, that's it, no more, I get this compusion to just add a bit more and this one kept writing itself in my head. I want to thank all of you lovely people who are helping with my group therapy sessions and are writing such kind reviews and f &f ing (is there any such word?). I still find it hard to believe that I'm not the only hopeless case around.

Dear Diary is on the back burner as I don't want to start uploading it and then have a long break before continuing. It needs to flow (good grief I sound pretentious, but you know what I mean) I have to take a break for the season of making endless cups of tea, refereeing squabbles and hiding in the kitchen muttering to myself taking crafty swigs of gin as I peel enough sprouts to feed the entire British army. Wouldn't mind if I could have a certain Captain as a reward, but I would probably be trampled to death in the rush. Once the rellies and assorted hangers-on have sodded off out of it, I will get back to my happy bubble of DVD, laptop and over-active imagination. I may even get time to pursue my real hobbies of doing the ironing and cleaning the floors!

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas, and if any of you do happen to win the jackpot, please don't tell me, a broken heart is a very sad thing. Has anyone suggested to the BBC that they could give us the best present we can think of?


	5. Chapter 5

He stretched out on the sofa and yawned so hard that he felt he was almost cracking his jaw. He was exhausted! During the taxi ride back from Bath Spa station he had felt an almost overwhelming urge to close his eyes and had had to concentrate very hard just to stay awake and now he needed to stay awake until he got her text saying she was home safe, well he didn't need to exactly, he wanted to.

The last twenty four hours had passed in a blink of an eye. All those hours spent imagining it, longing for it, planning it, definitely dreaming about it, both in hospital and in Afghan and now it was over and it hadn't been nearly long enough. The anticipation yesterday had made every hour feel like a week , never had a clock seemed to move so slowly until the time had finally arrived for him to walk to the restaurant. He was there far too early, of course he was, and then somehow time had speeded up so that in no time at all she was late! He had begun to panic, drumming his fingers on the menu as, jangling with nerves, he had become more and more convinced that she wasn't coming. Then she walked through the door and he was overwhelmed with a tidal wave of joy. She looked absolutely amazingly, incredibly beautiful, but then that went without saying because as far as he was concerned she always looked beautiful, but with a glorious smile on her face when she saw him, a smile that said she was as pleased to see him as he was to see her, a smile that he was pretty sure was mirrored on his own face. They sat and ate (he had no idea what) while they held two separate conversations, one with their voices and the other with their eyes. And it was the conversation they were having with their eyes that mattered to him. As they smiled at each other, he knew without a shadow of doubt that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

He had been 'in love' with Rebecca when they had married but even allowing for the dilution of feelings that had come with the passing of time, he knew now that it had been a pale imitation of what he felt for Molly.

His marriage to Rebecca had started to splinter very quickly and both of them had been to blame. First the endless bickering, then his terrible habit of going off in a fit of sulks, then the huge bust ups, most of them concerning his refusal to consider leaving the army. She had wanted a 'normal' life. A husband who came home at night or at least at the weekends, a husband who put her first, not a husband who chose to go off for months on end putting his life on the line leaving her at home alone. Sam had been unplanned but he would never describe him as a mistake, more of a happy accident and for a while they had tried very hard to patch things together as they both loved him unconditionally and that would never change. But no child, however loved, can put Elastoplast over the bleeding cuts of a fractured marriage, so eventually the inevitable happened and they split up…. it was a mutual decision and a relief but that didn't stop him feeling, to borrow Molly's expression, an epic fail.

There would be no happy accidents with Molly, although it had been a very close run thing last night. All those months of waiting out when he had wanted her so much that he had caught himself behaving like a deranged stalker, when his eyes had followed her everywhere, when the first thing he did whenever he left his tent or the ops room or wherever was to check to see where she was and whether she was okay, when he had had to make a conscious effort to control it before someone noticed, that had all made it incredibly difficult, almost impossible, for him to gather the remaining scraps of his once rigid self control to deal with the firestorm of passion that being with her had created in him. He had managed, just, to make sure that there were no consequences she would be unhappy about, after all they had only been together for five minutes and she was so young. She had an enormous amount of living to do and plenty of time to do it in.

He had built a wall around himself to keep everyone and everything at arm's length and she had dismantled it brick by brick until she turned his life upside down and he couldn't be happier. He had always been surprised that no-one had noticed how he felt about her but it was probably because they were all convinced that her affections lay with Smurf and people see what they expect to see. Smurf had spent a lot of time and effort trying to create the impression that they were together and it was successful. Even he had believed it for a short while which had led to him going off in one of his sulks, ridiculous really, Molly had never given anyone, including him, any sign whatsoever that she liked Smurf as more than a friend and had, in fact, slapped him down regularly. His only excuse was that it was his worst fear. They hadn't ever mentioned his ridiculous behaviour when she had come back from R&R and had only just touched on his reaction to her when they had first met. He would actually prefer consign all of it to ancient history and lock it in what his Dad called 'the too hard, don't go there' box, but he's pretty sure he still has some 'making it up to her' to go.

He had asked her to stay. They were waiting on the platform for the London train not knowing what to say to each other as he knew she was a tiny fraction away from tears. Just for a few days he had suggested, trying hard not to beg.

"_What would I say to me mum? _She almost sounded as if she was considering it_ "I can't just push off and not let her know where I am, she worries about me"_

"_Tell her the truth!"_

"_Oh yeah that'll do it. Hey mum, sorry I lied to you about where I were going yesterday, and who I were going to see? I stayed in Bath with a bloke that I've never even mentioned to you and I thought I might stay on for a bit and I think I love him and Oh, and by the way he's my boss"_

"_Only think? And I'm not your boss anymore"_

"_You know what I mean and anyway I promise I'll come back in a few days"_

He knew she wasn't going to change her mind and he knew he was being selfish trying to make her. The arrival of the London train meant that the tears she had been struggling to control began to spill out of her eyes. The last time he had seen that expression on her face was the day he sent her off on R&R, and somehow he knew that the expression on his face would be the same one he had had when the helicopter had taken her away from him that day.

So he hugged her tight, kissed the end of her nose and whispered in her ear.

"_Piss off Dawsey. I've had enough of your charm and magnetism for one day" _then as she giggled he kissed her for one last time and said_ "Can we have some more quality time together soon…..please?" _

His mobile rang waking him up with a start. He checked his watch as he answered it.

"_Hi beautiful. You can't be home already, are you okay?"_

"_No of course I'm not home yet, numptie, and why wouldn't I be okay? No, I rang to see if you are okay cos you are the invalid and I am the medic and I thought you looked a bit knackered. What is it? Oh yeah, I have a duty of care"_

"_I'm not surprised I look tired, you wore me out last night and this morning and I didn't exactly sleep much and , as you say, I am the invalid ….. but I must say I like your bedside manner Miss Dawes"_

"_Invalid me arse and I hope you are not complaining cos I keep that bedside manner for very special patients only so you should be bleeding grateful… Boss"_

"_Oh I am believe me! And don't call me Boss!_

"_Okay,Sir, whatever you say Sir. Listen, I'll have to go cos my battery is almost dead, I dunno I forgot to charge it, I don't know why! I'll text you when I get home, okay? "_

"_Don't forget or I'll worry. Would it help if I made it a direct order?"_

"_Probably not"_

"_No didn't think so! I love you"_

"_Ditto"_

He should have been filled with happiness, everything was exactly what he had wished for. The girl he loved loved him, he knew she did, she had just phoned for no other reason, she had promised to come back in a few days and Molly kept her promises, so why did he have this sudden shiver of apprehension? Short of her being run over by a bus, God forbid, and anyway that was very unlikely, she wasn't in danger, so why did he feel that someone had just walked over his grave?

**Authors Notes:**

**I know, I know, what can I say, its an addiction! Had to do this one twice as someone pressed the wrong thing and the computer ate the first edition! Couldn't possibly have been me. I am sure it's because it hates me!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou" he sent up a silent prayer, overwhelmed by the relief of knowing that Molly was safe, although she was absolutely in bits at the other end of the phone. She had phoned to tell him that Smurf was dead and that she had been with him when he died. He had no other details at all and she was sobbing too hard for him to understand what she was saying.

"_Oh God, Moll are you okay? where are you? I'll get the next train_" He wanted to be with her more than anything else.

"_No, you're okay, Smurf's mum is on her way and I'm going home with her. I just needed to tell you. I'll call you later"._

He felt terrible because his initial reaction had been to celebrate that she was okay and initially he had failed to take in the full horror that Smurf was dead. He couldn't be dead. He had just left hospital after treatment for a fairly minor wound, how could he possibly be dead? It must have been an accident. And why was Molly with him? And was she in the accident as well? Please God she would call soon, he needed to know, but he had no idea how to find out. He needed to DO something, he wasn't used to feeling so powerless, so useless.

It was long after midnight when she called after he had finally sent her a text begging her to call because he was frantic with worry. She was in Newport with Smurf's mother. She had calmed down enough to tell him clearly what had happened and to tell him that she was staying on in Newport until after the funeral, but he could tell that something was not right between them. Her tone of voice was odd, strained and very different to the way she had sounded a few days ago when she had been with him in Bath. Even allowing for her grief for a friend, something had gone wrong and he had no idea what.

He had been ecstatic, had thought they were going to be together forever but he should have remembered that 'If something seems too good to be true, it probably is!'

The funeral was a nightmare, watching Molly struggle to maintain her composure as she stood, a forlorn figure behind the coffin, then having to talk to Smurf's mother which was very painful, and reciting the same bit of Dylan Thomas as he had for Geraint. He and Molly had to keep their distance from each other and maintain a professional facade, it wouldn't have been appropriate for him to do what he wanted, to hug her and to ask for a badly needed hug for himself. Then she dropped her bombshell. She was going on tour, back to Afghan and she was going in a few days, just after her medal ceremony. He remembered talking about it in the restaurant but he hadn't really thought it through and he didn't expect it to come on the back of a rift between them, a rift he didn't understand but was beginning to be afraid was because she had had a far stronger emotional tie to Smurf than she had admitted to. He asked her if she would write back if he wrote and she said she would and he told her he loved her and she said she loved him to, but her heart wasn't in it. He had lost her.

He tried very hard to start 'moving on', he had done it before, he would do it again. He threw himself into spending time with Sam, working hard at the physio, doing the rehab at Headley Court, trying to get fit again, but he had no idea what he was going to do then and time was passing incredibly slowly. It was too soon to decide his future. Once a week he wrote to Molly, friendly, chatty, newsy letters, totally unemotional and a million miles away from what he wanted to write, and once a week she replied telling him about Bastion and the mentoring and what she had been doing and also totally unemotional. He had convinced himself that her feelings for Smurf had been the reason for their rift and that he should have realised that their similar ages, their similar backgrounds, even their rank in the army had all made much more sense than him and Molly. It was tragic for her that it had come to an end the way it had. He was beginningto feel les raw, told himself that he was getting over it.

He knew that Molly was due back in a week or so and he had asked in his last letter if he could meet her at Brize. If he was going to say good-bye it might as well be where they had said "hello". She hadn't replied yet but he hoped she wouldn't just walk away without saying goodbye to him.

He was clearing leaves in the garden and had just come in for a drink when someone knocked at the door. He opened the door and fell in love all over again.

**Epilogue:**

One hour later.

They lay there heads on the pillow gazing into each other's eyes as their breathing gradually returned to normal and the sweat dried on their bodies prompting him to tuck the duvet around them.

"_Okay?"_ he murmured.

"_Why wouldn't I be_" she answered_ "Oh sorry, did you want marks out of ten?" _and giggled.

"_You cheeky madam" _he replied, then after a pause_ "Why, what would you give me?"_

"_Oh definitely nine and a half, you know me, I don't do perfect"_

He laughed. He couldn't believe that they were back teasing and laughing at each other.

"_You're perfect_" then, as she shook her head in protest, he couldn't help adding_ "I thought I'd lost you"_

"_I know, and I thought it had all gone to shit for a while as well. I was all over the shop for a bit"_

"_Are you back now? Are you okay about Smurf and everything? And are you going to stay?_" He really didn't want to ask because he was still a bit afraid of her answer, but he really needed to know.

"_Charlie if you promise to shut up and listen until I've finished I'm gonna tell you some stuff, stuff I've never told anyone else, but I wanna tell you, so, please don't interrupt or nothing okay?" _He nodded_._

"_It weren't about Smurf, not really. Oh I know you thought that I had been lying a bit about my feelings for him, that you thought I loved him but I only ever loved him as a mate and I'm not even sure about that, how could I be in love with him when I love you so much. I was always choking him off. What happened when he died was that I thought 'thats it, it's over'. You see, for a long time everyone kept telling me I was this shit-hot medic, that I was excellent at my job, that I had all this potential to be great and to be brilliant and on and on even chucking a medal at me, but I knew that I was a fraud, that I was only pretending, play acting if you like and that one day I would be found out. I had saved Smurf from dying twice and now he had died in front of me and I had thought he was messing about. What sort of medic doesn't realise someone is dying two minutes before they die? Shh, you promised"_

He stopped what he had been about to say_ "Sorry"_

"_You see I knew I could pretend alI I liked but underneath I was still 'Molly Dawes the class clown', the kid who made stupid jokes and messed about when people were mad at her or when she was scared so that people didn't know she was hurting, the kid whose mum was always producing kids that she couldn't cope with so she was always being kept off school to help look after them. The more school she missed the more behind she got and the more behind she got the more she stopped away until she hardly went at all, only enough to keep the truant people off mum's back and then she used to sign in and bunk off. Molly Dawes, the kid whose dad as like someone off of 'Benefit Street' that he lads used to laugh at, a dad what used to get drunk all the time and kick off in pubs or outside the flats. Molly Dawes the kid who joined the army to try and escape her shitty little life so then her dad tried to sell her to an ex for the price of a cut in some insurance scam they was planning, whose dad was so mad when she wouldn't have anything to do with it, that he made her choose between the army and her family. She chose the army so he wouldn't let any of the family have anything to do with her for months. She didn't get to speak to any of them, not even her mum. "_

It was as if she was talking about someone else. He was filled with horror as he listened.

"_I used to leave messages on mum's voicemail begging her to speak to me and all the time I'd pretend I didn't care. She didn't come to my passing out parade even though I begged her, I didn't even get a card. No-one came, I reckon I was the only one there who was on me own, without anyone at all. I mean we are okay now, mum and I, in the end she ignored him and came to see me and we made up, but dad is a whole different ball bag, we are hardly speaking at all."_

Charles could hear the anguish in her voice and wanted to hit someone. Hard! He just wasn't sure who.

_Then I got sent to Afghan and met you and I got a bit of a crush on you very early on. Then I fell in love with you, you made me feel so safe and looked after and no-one has ever made me feel looked after before, not to mention that I fancied you something rotten. Then you said you loved me too, and I tried to tell you that you didn't know the real me, only the fake, the fraud, the one who was pretending to be good enough. Then Smurf went and died like that and I couldn't do anything to help him so I knew the pretending was over. I ran away. I had to find out about Bashira. All I wanted was to make sure she didn't end up with a shitty little life, I wanted to save her. I got Quaseem to take me to see her"_

"_For fuck's, Molly!"_

"_Yeah I know" she murmured "But, she's fine and safe, in school and playing 'sang chill bassi,' you know her little game with stones, with her friends, and she's happy. Then I thought about the mentoring, about how well it was going, how they was all listening to me and believing what I said, and how I wasn't being a fraud pretending to know how to do all this stuff, I did know and I had done it! And then I realised how much I love you, how lonely I was for you, how much I wanted to come home. I thought about telling you in my next letter, but I didn't know what to say, so I wangled an early flight home by knocking Cyprus on the head."_

"_I love you would have been enough for me." He thought for a moment "Oh God, you didn't go AWOL again did you?"_

"_No….but I might just have told a few lies to get compassionate"_

He couldn't help laughing at her disregard for regulations but he really didn't know what to say about what she had told him. It explained so much about her that he hadn't understood. So he wrapped her in his arms as tight as he could and kissed her gently.

"_I'm so sorry, you should have told me how you felt, sweetheart. I never meant to put pressure on you to be anything other than who you are and who you want to be, I just wanted you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. I told you once in Afghan, when I fucked up, I just want to make you happy and how glad I was that Lady Luck had smiled on me the day you walked into my life. I don't care whether you are a shit-hot army medic, or you work in Waitrose, or you lie on the sofa eating chocolate all day long, or you stop at home having babies, as long as you're happy, I'll be happy. I must say, though, I like the sound of the last option as long as they are my babies of course."_

"_It would be Tescos not Waitrose you posh twat." _She thought for a moment_ "Seeing as how we might just have made a start on the last one this afternoon, we might gonna have to find a chemist who dishes out the 'morning after pill'! _

"_If you want to that's fine, if you don't want to that's fine, it's completely up to you_" God he'd forgotten all about his promise to himself about avoiding happy accidents_ "It's your decision, whatever you want to do is fine"_

"_Don't you mind?"_

"_Nope" he grinned at her "but I think you should change your name from Molly Dawes to Molly James, what do you reckon?" _He bit his bottom lip and gave her his half smile.

She looked at him for a moment as if she was stunned_ "Are you asking me to marry you, Boss? Is that because I might be pregnant?"_

"_I'm not your Boss and there's no-one else here called Molly is there? And no, it's because I love you and I am not letting you out of my sight again."_

" _Will you marry me Molly…..…please?" _

She began to cover his face with ecstatic fleeting little kisses. _"Lovely, I'll take that as a yes then, shall I?"_ he kissed the end of her nose so she mimicked his tone and answered _"Indeed"._

_OG….OG….OG….OG….OG….OG_

**Authors Notes: This started as an attempt to look inside Molly's head in episode 1 and then was taken over by Charles. So I wanted it to end back with Molly and her reasons for taking that 2****nd**** tour without telling him before she agreed to do it. I hope it worked, please let me know what you think if you have time. I know everybody is frantically busy right now. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews, I hadn't realised until I started writing just how motivational they are. This is obviously the end for "Be Careful", as I am trying to stay within the boundaries of what we know. I hope that you will enjoy Dear Diary which is Molly's thoughts starting in episode 2 and is on its way in a couple of days.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I started this some time ago and never finished it. Started to re-read it the other day and decided to go on and finish it as I hate unfinished business and I am a sucker for a happy ending. I am subtitling it:**

**THE NEXT STEP….. AND THE NEXT…**

**December 23****rd**** 2014**

He stood at the back of the room, tall and immaculately dressed in khaki and only those who knew him really well would know from his habit of constantly running his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck and biting his bottom lip, that he was nervous. She, tiny and looking like something out of Jane Austen was dressed in a long silk shift with an embroidered bolero, fresh flowers woven in her piled up hair, was looked anything but. She was whispering urgently to him as she reached up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek before vanishing out of the 'Exit' door.

The Registrar looked closely at the groom then lifted her eyebrows as if to ask a question, surely the bride hadn't changed her mind at this late stage, although of course, it has been known! He shook his head slightly and held up five fingers to reassure her that this was a temporary delay and they would be able to get going very shortly, but he was obviously very twitchy and kept looking towards the door every few seconds until a short, much older woman with white hair went and asked him a question to which he shook his head and then beamed as the bride reappeared and slipped her hand into his.

They stood in front of her as she prepared to start the service, just waiting for the assembled guests to settle. There was an eclectic mix of people, the witnesses, a man and a girl both dressed in army uniforms , as well as a number of other men in army uniforms and quite a lot of children tearing around the room. The children were being corralled by the older lady with the white hair who had been talking to the groom a minute or so ago, and there were the usual assortment of parents and relatives and friends. Not a huge crowd but not a sparse one either.

As she waited she heard the groom whisper _"You okay Dawsey?" _

The bride looked up at him, there was a noticeable height difference so that she wondered why the bride wasn't wearing killer heels, _"Why wouldn't I be? I'm just pissed off with having to pee every five seconds!"_

He laughed and said "_Well it's better than throwing up every five seconds! _Then added _"Is your Nan alright with the kids, shall I get Sam?"_

"_Don't remind me, I might start again and Nan's fine, don't worry and leave Sam where he is, worry guts!"_

The Registrar was slightly disappointed to realise that the bride was pregnant, as so many brides were these days, either that or they had already had their families, but she had had these two marked down as a pure love match with no other issues involved. Then she saw the smiles they exchanged, the way he was still holding her hand and took note of the almost visible aura of happiness that surrounded them, and smiled as she began her

"_Friends, we have been invited here today and in the presence of these witnesses to share with Molly and Charles a very important moment in their lives…._

The Registrar went through the service to a completely hushed room, but was aware that a number of the female guests were now sniffling into paper hankies as the couple exchanged their vows, but especially when she introduced the reading by saying that Molly and Charles had chosen it as being special to them;

_Find someone that isn't afraid to say that they miss you,_

_Someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you as if you are_

_Someone who couldn't imagine losing you_

_Someone who gives their heart to you completely_

_Someone who says I love you and proves it_

_Last, but not least, find someone who wouldn't mind_

_Waking up to you in the morning_

_Seeing your wrinkles and grey hair_

_And would still fall in love with you all over again…._

The service finished with the exchange of rings and the signing of the register but the moment when she pronounced them man and wife and told them that they 'could now kiss each other', Molly had objected violently to the more traditional 'you may now kiss the bride' as she said she was "_no-one's bleeding possession",_ was accompanied by a loud barrage of comments from the khaki glad brigade at the back of the room.

"_Nice one, Bossman",_

"_Bet you' re glad you didn't lob her out of the plane now, Boss"_

"_Couldn't have been a direct order Boss, she doesn't listen to those" _

"_Good golly Miss Molly, what the hell have you been and gone and done now?"_

"_Now remember Mols, don't go breaking his heart, you promised"_

The witness wearing khaki made violent signs to them to shut up and the groom yelled _"Shut the f.. up, Mansfield"_ and then laughed _"Oops nearly"_

_Og…Og…Og…Og…Og_

The buffet had been served, the toasts and speeches had been made and the room had settled into a general hubbub of conversation, laughter with various children tearing around shrieking, when Jackie got a chance to catch up with Molly. Even though she had been her witness, she hadn't had a single opportunity to have a chat without loads of eavesdroppers being around and Jackie had some questions she wanted to ask.

"_So, when you going to come clean then, Mols?"_

"_What you on about?"_ Molly had her 'deer in the headlights' expression on her face _"Dunno what you talking about, Jacks!"_

"_Yes you do, you can't fool me, I'm a medic remember, and no-one can fool us medics, now can they? So, how many weeks? And why is it a secret?"_

Molly could see that she was wasting her time trying to pull the wool over Jackie's eyes, so she 'came clean'.

"_Thirteen weeks and it ain't really a secret, I just ain't told anyone yet and anyway, how the fuck did you know?"_

"_I told you, I'm a medic, I can tell these things, but blimey, thirteen weeks, you didn't waste much time did you? You must have just got back from your tour, I didn't even know you were together then"_

"_Yeah we was together from after he got out of Birmingham but we hadn't really told anybody, and it was actually the day I got back from tour," _she chuckled_ " well, what can I say, he missed me! Well, we missed each other, and I still want to know how you knew cos I don't show, well apart from _having_ tits like bloody Jordan, I don't!"_

"_It's not only your tits, by the way she's Katie Price these days, not Jordan, it's the rest of you, you look different Mols, you look pregnant! And I am so jealous. Not only do you get one of the best looking blokes at Bastion but he absolutely bloody adores you, anyone can see that, actually, I knew that way back in Afghan, but then you have a lovely wedding and you're pregnant into the bargain, it's really not fair! I remember telling you that trouble follows you around, well forget trouble, try bloody good luck! Remember when you went on R&R and I covered for you at the FOB? At the time, I thought Mol's right, he really is a miserable sod of a Rupert, even though the lads kept saying they didn't know what was wrong with him, then we were doing the handover and he came into the med tent and I saw his face as he looked at you, and I knew!"_

"_Oi who you calling a bargain? And nothing was going on then, Jacks, but yeah, we did sorta know that we loved each other out in Afghan but we didn't do anything about it, we agreed to wait out till we came home, then he got shot and I thought he was gonna die, it was a bleeding nightmare, but we've sorta made up for it since!"_

"_So why don't you just tell people? They'll all be thrilled and if anyone isn't, well sod 'em"_

"_I gotta tell me mum first, Jacks"_

"_You haven't even told your mum? What on earth are you waiting for?_

Charles had seen Molly having a heart to heart with her friend and had not wanted to intrude, but he was now sick of 'circulating' and saying and hearing the same things from different groups of people. He wanted to reclaim Molly, this was supposed to be their day after all, so he walked up and put his arm round her shoulders and kissed her cheek. She turned anguished eyes to him and whispered "_Jackie knows". _To say he was surprised was an understatement, Molly had been so adamant that they keep it to themselves until after the wedding.

"_What? How?"_ He couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

"_She guessed, she's a medic and you know how bleeding clever we are, and she thinks I show a bit which I definitely don't, and she thinks I'm being dumb worrying about what people might think"_

"_Of course you don't show_" Charles bit his lip and smiled at her although he had secretly thought that she looked different for the last week or so, but he had thought that it was because he had seen her naked when she looked sort of ripe, much softer and more rounded, and, if possible, even more beautiful than before_. "And I keep telling you that you are being dumb, everyone is going to be pleased for us"._

"_Are you lying to me about whether I show , Charlie James?" _

"_Would I?"_ He changed the subject sharply because of Molly's ability to read his every thought but he did wish she could rid herself of her conviction that people were going to think that she had trapped him in some way, _" Now, shall we tell your mum first or mine?"_

"_We? what's all this we? I'll tell my mum and you can tell yours"_

"_Oh God must I? On my own? that's cruel" _ He tried to sound as pathetic as he could as Molly laughed at him and called him a coward, although there was some truth in his belief that his mother was going to be pretty fierce, he knew that she was going to be hurt that he had kept it a secret from her for so long.

Belinda and Nan were sitting at a table and Dave was at the bar with the lads. Molly was pleased to get them on their own, she had a feeling this was going to be tricky!.

"_Mum, Nan, I got something to tell you, something I maybe shoulda told you before today"_

"_And about time too, young lady. We was wondering when you was gonna get around to telling us" _Nan's voice was stern even though her face was wreathed in smiles _"What, did you really think we wouldn't notice what with me being so bleeding good at noticing things and your mum being so bleeding good at getting pregnant so often?" _Nan ignored Belinda's muttered protest as they both got up and hugged Molly, who immediately turned round to catch Charles' eye and then nodded with a happy grin on her face.

"_Listen up everyone" _ Charles stood behind Molly with his arms round her waist as she leaned back against him and wondered how many people in the room had guessed already, as he tapped on a glass with a spoon. Then, as the hubbub carried on , he abandoned the spoon and glass and yelled _"Oi you lot, shut up and listen, Molly and I have got something we want to share with you….."_

So Molly got to spend Christmas in Bath after all, but not even in her wildest dreams could she have imagined the way it was going to come about.

Og…Og…Og…Og…Og…Og

**June 16****th****, 2015**

"_Please Mols, I'm begging you" _God, he wished she wasn't so bloody stubborn, he loved her to bits but right now she was frightening him to death as she had done so many times before..

"_No, every ten minutes they said, and it's still too early"_

"_Since when did you take any notice of what people tell you"_

"_When it suits me"_

"_Yeah. That'll be about right"_

He became aware that Molly had grabbed the back of a chair and was bending over trying to breathe through another contraction and was whimpering slightly. He rushed to rub her back and sneaked a look at his watch while he waited for her to straighten up.

"_Okay madam, that's it. Stop lying to me. There was no way that was ten minutes since the last one, and I am bloody sure that I'm not up to delivering babies on the kitchen floor so shift your gorgeous arse, we are going to hospital, now"_

"_I don't like hospitals" _

"_Tough! You're a bloody medic so get over it and if we crack on they might let you have some drugs if you are a good girl"_

Her waters had gone while they were in the car and she seemed to be having non-stop contractions that were now seriously terrifying him. He had put his hand across to her bump in an attempt to comfort her as she moaned slightly and had been astonished at just how tight and how rock hard it was. They had made it to the hospital in time, just! He hated to think of the speeding tickets he had probably acquired during the journey but he had seen more blue flashes than he cared to remember. He should have checked out the speed cameras during his 'dummy runs', but he hadn't expected it to be so last minute, although this was Molly he was talking about, so nothing should surprise him! By the time they got there it was far too late for drugs. Within fifteen minutes of her being admitted and with Molly's face a study of pain, concentration and effort, Chloe Elizabeth had been born with the minimum of fuss, a tiny replica of Molly but with his curly hair and eyes that would almost certainly turn brown if Sam's were anything to go by.

Two hours later he was standing by the window with their daughter in his arms looking into her slightly unfocussed eyes while her mother slept, and he began to think back to Afghan where it had all begun, as pictures ran through his head like some personal DVD.

Brize Norton, which had not been his finest hour. If he had known then what he knew now, would he have acted any differently? He had to admit probably not, he was so disciplined and buttoned up then with his brick wall of detachment firmly in place that he probably would have run screaming at the mere idea of emotional involvement! Which was what he had done in effect. Then her woebegone little face in the ops tent at the FOB when he realised what he had done, her rescue of Smurf with the blind panic he had felt when she was in such danger twice in ten minutes, her arrival back at the FOB when he realised, completely out of the blue, that he wanted to kiss her and that he was starting to have such inappropriate feelings for her, her friendship with Bashira which he had tried so hard to discourage, totally without success, and which had had such cataclysmic consequences, the suicide bomb which had terrified him, singing together which had led to such a strong desire to be with her regardless of the rules, her R&R with Smurf when he hadn't been able to stop himself behaving like a jealous schoolboy, Sohail's death when they had admitted their feelings for each other and their decision to wait out until they got home, Molly getting slapped by Badrai's son, her finding out in the worst possible way about Rebecca and Sam, the thunder in the ditch and him realising that she was all that mattered to him, the first time he had kissed her and how it made him feel, getting shot on the bloody bridge and her face leaning over him as she fought to keep him alive, waking up feeling sick and battered and unsure where he was or how long he had been there and seeing her face through the glass wreathed with anxiety for him, her holding his hand and stroking his hair and him feeling so comforted by her presence, their date in Bath when they had realised just how much they loved each other and how happy he had been, the first time they had slept together and how magic that had been, Smurf's death and losing her back to Afghan, her return home and to him, her telling him about her awful childhood, conceiving Chloe and getting engaged all on the same day, her terror and his delight when her peeing on the stick had produced the positive result, their wedding day and then the wake-up call he had received just a month ago when he had come so close to wrecking everything. 

For several days he had been aware of a skin-tightening itch of boredom and frustration, he was edgy and irritable mainly because of what he saw as the incredibly slow progress of his rehab, but also because spending so much time in the house doing nothing very productive or active was getting to him. As the only other person around, Molly had taken the brunt of his moods but she was getting pretty pissed off with it, which had illogically made him even more picky with her, until it had culminated with him going into full Captain James mode, standing over her and bollocking her as if she was a squaddie. He couldn't for life of him remember what 'crime' she had committed, probably nothing, but he was beyond being reasonable. He was just about to march off in a huff, when, with her face a familiar expressionless mask, she said quietly and without emotion,_ "Yes, Sir, No, Sir, Whatever you fucking say, Sir"_

He had stopped in his tracks and looked at her. From the neck up she looked like an incredibly beautiful schoolgirl, face more rounded than before with her hair in two pigtails, but from the neck down she was this heavily pregnant woman, her body swollen with his child and she was quietly very angry with him.

"_If you think this was a mistake, you and I, you only had to say so, although you left it a bit late didn't you? but then you have a track record for changing your mind, don't you? For pissing off when you get fed up with playing happy families!"_

For a second he was confused, didn't know what she was talking about, then the penny dropped, Rebecca! She was talking about him and Rebecca!

"_What are you on about? This was never about you or you and me, Mol, and I didn't piss off…."_

"_I don't care what it's about and I don't wanna hear it! I am going to go and phone me mum and see if I can go home for a few days, then I'm going in the other room to lie on the sofa and eat chocolate for the rest of the afternoon. Don't follow me! Oh and by the way, it's about time the army found you some squaddies to bully so that you can leave me alone" _She closed the door quietly, he would have felt so much better if she'd slammed it.

He'd waited a few minutes trying to calm his panic then followed her, he didn't know whether she had phoned her mum, but he was saying a silent prayer that she hadn't done it yet. She was sitting on the floor, back against the sofa, weeping quietly and neither of them said a word, then he bent down and scooped her up in his arms and settled her on his lap on the sofa, cuddled her tightly and just kept repeating himself over and over again _I'm sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry, I love you" _until she stopped crying and muttered "_Bleeding funny way you've got of showing it then. Don't do it again, okay?" _

Today as he sat down carefully, looking at his sleeping child in his arms and then across at his sleeping wife, he remembered their many conversations about Lady Luck and thought that he hadn't known what luck was until now.

,


End file.
